i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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