ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
