who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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