Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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