Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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