hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
