PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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