someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
