You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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