It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
