i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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