saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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