my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
