1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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