Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
