i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
