Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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