my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
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there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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