:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
