Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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