Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
