I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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