You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
