All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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