I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
