Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
