I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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