dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
