i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
