: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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