SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny