I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.