My pussy is not your playground.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.