I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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