I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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