Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
