my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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