It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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