found the other keg... it's in the tree
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
