She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize