i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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