Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
