I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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