just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
