I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
