dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
