I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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