I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
