bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
