is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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