Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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