We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
