So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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