I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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