Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
