just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
