well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
