i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
