He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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