i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
