i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
