A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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