I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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