sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Found your dick twin last night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
