he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
