On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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