You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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