we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
