How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it because I queefed?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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