u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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