dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
