No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
