i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
