they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize